Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
