She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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