I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
