OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
