Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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