Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
