My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
