Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
