4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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