What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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