Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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