We're facebook friends in real life
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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