We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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