Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
