Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
