What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
