i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
