Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
