careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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