We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
