the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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