I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
