Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
