I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
