Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
