I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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