I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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