So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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