Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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