I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
