I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
