Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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