and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Randomize
