He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
