and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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