that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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