just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize