So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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