Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
