So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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