Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
