Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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