Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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