Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
