remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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