I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
