the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
