what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
