if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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