Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
