I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
