Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
