Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize