Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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