There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
