y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
