I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Screwed.edu
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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