I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
