you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How does one acquire holy water?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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