no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
