You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
