Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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