Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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