no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
